Armos Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Sorry for posting this here. I was wondering if anyone could help. I am dealing with some problems that are a bit frustrating for me. It involves real life situations and past situations that keep recurring to me. Ever since I was a kid. I have always felt "felt out" because I was different from everyone else. I don't know what I should think of my self. A loner, a loser, a retard... or something similar to that. I try to make friends but when ever I do people seem to treat me differently. I only have one friend in real life. I'm not great with making friends so some people I know have to introduce people to me that have the same stuff in common. I am not happy the way my life is right now hence being bullied in school, etc. I find this quite sad because I have social anxiety disorder. So it's tough to get out in the crowd and make friends. And I have a big thing with trust, I don't like to trust people because of past life experiences I've had with people. I have no girlfriend, currently looking for a job. No girls seem interested in me, I am always in the friend zone when I like a girl. Most people think I'm a nice guy but most people think I'm annoying. Maybe it's all in my head? I'm 21 and I know that most people my age have girlfriends by now. My math skills aren't that great either because school told me that I wouldn't require them later in life. I am hoping this post won't get me into trouble. I am just seeking for advice. Or if anyone has some similar problems like me they would like to share, I don't want to feel like I'm the only person out there that has this kind of feeling. I'm not trying to seek attention. Sometimes I want people to leave me alone because I've been harassed physically to the point where I was almost locked up in a mental institution. Not saying I'm mental but you get the idea. People like to put labels on me so it sucks. I'm not quite sure where to lead my life. Sometimes I feel like giving up. It's really confusing on what you should do with your life. I get depressed almost every day. And its really starting to annoy me. Please don't leave negative comments. Thanks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conker Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Dude, nobody's going to leave negative comments, and you certainly will not get in trouble for this. Now, I definitely have a problem with the ladies, too; it honestly does seem like no girl out there (at all) likes me how I've liked some of them, and it's depressing. I've also been friendzoned by girls I've really liked. It just makes me feel I will be alone my whole life(romantically speaking). :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xdaniel Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I wish I could give you some advice, because - as cliche as that may sound - I can imagine how you feel. I've got a social phobia (which according to Wikipedia is apparently an aka for social anxiety disorder, good to know) as well, although from what you describe, it seems that you're somewhat worse off in terms of the phobia's severity. I do have some true friends I'm in more or less constant contact with, meeting every week or so, although I currently don't have a job, either. Same for a girlfriend, or, ...well, not anymore, not in years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathBasket Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 You sound almost the same as me. I got over the depression part a few years ago though I still feel horrible some of the time for no reason. I actually did start to turn my life around at one point but that sort of failed in the end, or I just stopped trying, I don't really know. I always got bullied in school for being too clever (wtf) to the point that I deliberately got lower grades so that people would shut up. I ended up having something like two or three friends and that's probably the situation now too, though they are different people because nobody ever talks to me any more. As for girls, well... every girl I ever liked has ended up not liking me or friendzoning me, so I've basically given up trying to be anything other than friends with them now. My social anxiety is just getting worse and worse too so I hardly ever meet new people (not that I can make conversation with anyone I do meet). I really can't think of what advice I can give you since I need to deal with some of these issues myself too. Sorry. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoungMike Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Women are overrated. You don't need one to be happy. The best solution is to work on your future, then find yourself a lady. I'm 16, and I get friend zoned all the time dude. It's a way of life anymore. If you feel left out, then you should start approaching people more often. Find people with the same interests as you. It's the best solution I can tell you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conker Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 If you feel left out, then you should start approaching people more often. Find people with the same interests as you. It's the best solution I can tell you. You say that as if it's actually easy for some people to do, when that is not the case. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secant Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Take it from me, it absolutely isn't easy getting over social anxiety; I'll agree any day of the week that I'm by no means an expert on social conduct and how to make tons of friends, but I do know a few things that can be done to at least improve somewhat. Hard as it might sound, you really need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and go to social events--this becomes a hell of a lot easier once you get past 18, which I'm pretty sure everyone who's posted here is. I can definitely relate if that doesn't come naturally to anyone; I'm always perfectly content to hole up in the library commons listening to music and dicking about on my computer (much like I am right now), and heading back to my dorm for the night as soon as I've eaten dinner, usually by myself. While I'm content to eat alone, I do occasionally force myself to go along with some outings with one guy I met through an engineering project, which usually involve his fraternity brothers. Even if I don't necessarily want to, I go along with it anyway, and more often than not I look back and realize I had a really good time. I can say the same of just about every other time I broke my habit and went out with a few friends or more or less total strangers instead of holing up at home. As for romantic affairs, all I can say is that's something you shouldn't actively look for unless it comes to you naturally and you have a really good feeling about it or really want it, or you're already settled and it's something you can realistically handle and devote yourself to. Take it from someone who's made it through a four and a half year relationship that would have lasted longer if things had gone my way at the time--making a relationship work and staying happy isn't always easy, and it requires a considerable amount of time and devotion. Probably the most important thing I can say is to hang in there and don't ever give up. Craptastic as life can get, the bad times only serve to give us a contrast to when things are better, and believe me, it's worth toughing it out. Just keep doing what you can to improve your social skills and break out of your comfort zone, and you'll build up a circle of friends, and likely a good deal more self-confidence to boot. That, in turn, will likely help you get the other thing you're looking for, Shade. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EpicEbilninja Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I used to go through something similar to this myself... I would get bullied, called weird, etc. I had very few friends, and thought everybody was out to get me because I was different. My biggest mistake for the majority of my life was not accepting who I really am. I soon learned that being weird wasn't all a bad thing, and that all it means is that you are different, but isn't everybody? After I accepted who I was, I began to look for atleast one person who shared a common interest. The hardest part about making a friend is the courage to meet them, and when you do talk to them, and share interests, things get better over time. And the thing with friends, is they also have some of thier own who share the same interests, and may make great possible friends. With girls, the only thing I can say speaking as I don't have a girlfriend myself, is that you will have to make sure it's the right person for you, and that it may take time to meet them, and get to know them. Really the only tip I can really say is to be proud of who you are. With accepting yourself and having courage, you can achieve great things in life. I really hope this helps atleast a little bit 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason777 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I probably won't be of much help here since I can't really relate to much except for the girlfriend issue; I tend to just have a lot of one night stands... but it doesn't really bother me. To improve your social life I would suggest doing as Naxy had stated: step out of your comfort zone and force yourself to go to a few social events like parties (just don't get too fucked up). If you're scared of going to a party by yourself, grab your one friend and have him be your wing man. He can bring another wing man if he likes and chances are that guy will share the same interests. However, remember to stay smart about the things you do. As for the girlfriend problem, be friends with a lot of girls and the issue just tends to solve itself. I've kind of gotten used to being single and have been able to get my fair share of experience (if that's what you're going for), but I can honestly say that being friends with girls opens a lot of doors for you. Chances are that one of the girls you became friends with actually likes you or has a friend that has taken notice of you. ... Or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass since I don't really know what it's like. Either way, I hope this reply is of help to you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YoungMike Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 You say that as if it's actually easy for some people to do, when that is not the case. I never meant it that way. It takes time for someone to actually start approaching people, so I'm sorry if it came off that I meant that it was easy, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armos Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 Thanks for the support guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arceny Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Ay, man; you could count me as a friend! What I mean, is, you're just now starting life! You got a big future ahead of you; life's too short to be bummed over it! Don't take the exclamations wrong, but I believe everyone has a purpose in life; I believe everyone has something to contribute to society. I've been around the type of people that throw labels at you (I lived in a place of "upper class" kids who dont even know you yet label you as something you're not) ; and the only solution is to ignore them; better yet, prove to them you're equal (hey, maybe even better!) than them. The way to beat depression is to look to things you enjoy, and find the simple things in life (perhaps look into the sky, or travel to the beach, or maybe a park...) I feel your drift, man, and hopefully I gave some good advice I'm no sage, but I know some things. Have a good day, man. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyMartialArtsGuy Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 The only thing i can really say, as hard as it is you need self confidence. Be proud of who you are. If your concerned with how you look, exercise, get healthy, try and be a clean person and act like you give a shit. I'm not trying to insult you man, in fact i'm almost 19 and haven't had a single girlfriend. Imo that's something that will happen when the times right. I bet you 90% of the daily assholes you see don't give a shit about there girlfriends and those relationships end quickly. Some were some girl is gonna get tired of all that, and when she finds you things will take off from there. You have to try though. My biggest advice to anyone who feels like they are "inferior" in some way or feel they are lacking, take martial arts. Its amazing how different you feel when you know you can protect yourself, and how the mental aspect changes your outlook and everything. The last thing i'm gonna say is, dying or getting killed isn't something unnatural, living without a purpose is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muphins Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I can totally relate to you, armos. Just about everything you stated describes me. I too have social anxiety disorder and it is a living hell. Nothing is better than failing to introduce yourself in front of the class, failing to do presentations, etc. I too fail with females and never had a girlfriend. I was almost in a relationship with an extrememly beautiful woman, but my SAD and clinical depression (and my occasional serial killer look) got in the way. Honestly, I don't even remember how I had the balls to get that far. Also, someone here said that women are overrated, and you can live happily without one. He is a wise man. As for the part where making friends is difficult, honestly, the only advice I can give you is to force yourself to approach people or talk to them. Trust me, I know how much of a bitch it is. It's not easy, but it does get a lot better to socialize with people. It doesn't even have to be an all out conversation, just try making small talk. If making friends is a bit out of your comfort zone, try making aquantences instead? It's much more comforting imo, and none of those trust issues are invading your mind. I hope my comment helps you, mr. armos sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gump Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I've dealt with my fair share of bullying; for stupid reasons, of course. I've never been "popular" so to speak in my school, but everyone knows me and knows me as a nice guy. I guess you can say I'm popular in terms of people knowing me, but that's about it; I have a small circle of friends, and apart from some of my best friends here, that's it. My circle of friends just grew a little smaller just last week (mentioned below), but I've been coping with it. Back in 6th grade, I was bullied for having the balls to ask a girl out. No-one else did, and I thought I had a good chance with the girl because I knew her since 4th grade. Turns out, because I wasn't as "popular" as her, she declined. At that moment in my life, it felt like the worst. In all reality, I'm so glad it happened now. A little weird, right? If I had gone out with this girl, I probably would become friends with her friends. And guess what? That's something I would like to avoid at all costs nowadays. She and her friends are now complete druggies, doing drugs in school, and even getting STDs by the dozen. I'm appalled at that, completely disgusting and totally unreasonable. Her rejecting me is the best thing that ever happened to me, because it lead to a lot of good things in my life. 1. I finally got the ability to do stuff without caring about people's opinions. I joined the football team the following year despite people telling me I wouldn't be any good. Well, they can suck it, because I played 3 positions, and was first string for all but one. Recorded the highest amount of sacks in the area and caught 7 touchdowns in 7 games, and threw for 2 touchdowns. After that, I realized that people are stupid; they'll always try to take you down to make themselves look better. 2. I did get with a girlfriend in 8th grade, kind of as a birthday present. We knew each other since 7th grade and she told me she would go on a date with me for my birthday. Possibly the greatest day in my life; I've been seeing this girl for almost 3 years, and our relationship has only grown stronger. Those two reasons alone are some of the greatest outcomes of my bullying. I built up confidence and started to not care if people thought of me in a negative light. There's always going to be assholes that hate you for no reason; what's important is that you make sure you never turn into that. Never hate anybody for no reason, whether they appear to be assholes or are just very popular. Before forming an opinion, get to know them. Most people are good people. As for getting help with confidence and whatnot, become friends with someone you have to talk to everyday; preferably a girl. My late friend (bless her soul) Kelly helped me with confidence, and I wish I realized it sooner. Without her, I'd probably wouldn't have starting seeing my girlfriend. She changed my life for the better. So, my advice to you, my friend: I know it's hard, I had what you have, but you need to find that one person who is lively and friendly. That person will be the key to opening the many doors of life. And when you find that person, appreciate them for what they're worth. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obesebear Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Ah, so you're looking for happiness. Here's a little protip I learned late in high school. As soon as you can truly accept and like who you are as a person (not who you pretend or want to be or any of that shit), everything else will begin falling into place. And you'll find yourself much much happier 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussiezoom Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Thanks for the post i can relate i myself have a phobia of social situations and find it hard to bend my saftey zone to try social things but i will have one peice of advice for you. If it get to the point of doing something "stupid". Think what would people who actually like you say of you wherent there... i know i will struggle with who i am and what i am my entire life. But hey even if I hate myself it doesnt mean I cant help the poeple im mates with I will go out of my way to help them and thats my good deed for the day. yes im socially acward and not the best person but if i can make someone happy and give them a good time it brightens my day.. (e.g shadow fire at EB Expo 2012) So i guess what im trying to say is make yourself happy in a way that only you can do dont worry so much about love its overratted to be rushed into you will hurt you will hate but always do the things that make you happy and remeber your life is what you make it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyrin64 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 hang in there dude i might not under stand exactly how you feel but good luck to you and i know a lot of people your age with out your girlfriends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sakura Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Automatic generated message This topic has been closed by a moderator. Reason: Locked by topic creator's request If you disagree with this action, please report this post and a moderator or administrator will reconsider it. Kind regards, The Gamer's Collective Network Staff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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