Your Worst Movies?

[BullockDS]

(Apologies if this doesn't belong here; feel free to move this)

For you movie viewers of the GCN, what would you say are the worst films/movies that you've seen? To that end, why did you find those films so worthy of disdain? (Note that I'm doing 5 movies here, but feel free to post more/less in your lists)

 

#5: The Room (2003)

 

It's the classic tale of romantic betrayal, made manifest through terrible acting, rough writing with tons of unresolved plot threads (like Lisa's mom having breast cancer), and production values that literally make it appear as if it is ten years or so older than it really is. This one's low on my list, since I actually get a kick out of watching The Room; if nothing else, Tommy Wiseau's lack of acting talent is the main attraction for me, with everything else making it all the more goofy and terrible.

 

 

#4: Birdemic (2008)

 

This barely coherent experience is nothing more than a shameless ripoff of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds... but with subpar video editing, uninteresting characters, and an environmental message poorly shoehorned into the plot. Just like The Room, this one is just too damn silly to not watch again.

 

 

#3: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

 

Aaaaand this is where the movies stop being enjoyable for me. This tries to be a Street Fighter movie, but other than character names, this bears next to no resemblance to anything else with the name Street Fighter. Since M. Bison's one of my favorite characters of the franchise, I think his portrayal here is the worst thing about the movie: he's demoted from a dictator to a glorified thug/corrupt businessman. Street Fighter 94 is a legitimately better SF movie. As in, the one with Jean-Claude Van-Damme and Raul Julia.

 

 

#2: Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

 

This is such a joke in comparison to the masterpiece that was the first film, to the point where it's literally a betrayal. For starters, the Immortals were given an extraterrestrial origin, and this alone brings a lot of the already-established mythos into question, so much so that a lot of it is retconned in future installments (such as the rule that Immortals cannot fight on holy ground). After that already tainting this movie's potential, the futuristic setting is such a bland ripoff of Blade Runner, and nowhere near as interesting a setpiece for the Immortals to fight around in, compared to the fairly regular world of 1980s New York in the first installment.

 

 

#1: Project X (2012)

 

Christ Almighty. I cannot adequately express my absolute hatred of this vapid piece of shit. First off, this tries primarily to ape the success of Superbad, a movie that I enjoyed. The difference is, Superbad had a real plot, and it wasn't solely about the party: it was about the journey to the party, learning that some adolescent attitudes are wrong, and becoming adults in the end. With Project X, you get very little in the way of story, as it focuses solely on the party aspect, which can only generate so much plot. The characters that Project X tries to glorify are symbols of the worst of my generation, and it sickens me to see people around my age look up to this movie. This debaucherous piece of shit is an abomination to both cinema and the progression of western civilization, especially when you have assholes trying to have their own Project X-style parties due to the movie's popularity. Fuck Project X, and any other member of the yoloswagging, harlemshaking, dubstep blasting, 4loko chugging, jersey-shoring generation that identifies with this detestable, shallow garbage considered a movie. Oh, and the "found-footage" style of cinematography is horrible and overrated, and in Project X's case, not done well either: some moments are shot camcorder-style when the cameraman friend is in the shot/not supposed to be there.

 

(No, I don't necessarily have an issue with movies that revolve around terrible people; I fucking love Pulp Fiction and A Clockwork Orange. However, those movies have this little thing called substance. Something woefully missing from Project X. Also, sorry about that incoherent rant near the end.)

 

[TheNapMan]

Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man, for sure. The so-called "extended edition" has a whopping 2 seconds of extra footage.

[EXIA]

I saw a film called "2012 Doomsday". The dvd art looked exactly the same as 2012, which was right next to it, so I grabbed the wrong one by mistake.It's a christian message film about 2012 being the second coming of Jesus.Scenes include giant hail stones killing a man by smashing a window (that miraculously fixes itself a few seconds later), a camera panning out to reveal the rig it's moving on, Multiple characters revealing their sinful pasts just before everyone else ascends to heaven and finally, Jesus Christ being reborn.... In a mayan temple.....Dem christians cray.

[zaneebaslave]

Shaolin Grandma. A movie based around a feeble old japanese woman who happens to be good at Kung Fu, and her quest for love and fashion. If you like Japan for their action-packed animation and their exotic culture, this movie will probably change your mind about everything. Just... Look for it on Netflix. That's all I can say.

 

 

Also from our friends to the east, is the glorious visionary marvel, Big Man Japan. It's a mockumentary about the life and struggles of a super hero who battles giant japanese monsters. I reiterate... If you like Japan for their action-packed animation and their exotic culture, this movie will probably alter that Final Fantasy style Japan you probably used to dream about. This movie is weird to the point of nasty, and yet... You can't... Look.... AWAY.

[Netsrac]

 Dead Snow. Nazi Zombies running around in the mountains of Norway killing teenagers. The jokes are just plain stupid (except for that where the Russian guy takes a hammer and a sickle and makes the symbol of communism and shows it to the Nazi Zombies, that was funny), the teenagers die in the most ridiculous ways ever, the atmosphere sucks pretty much and the overall story is complete s**t. I don't get why so many people like it so much. Shaun of the Dead was much better.

[Mellow]

I am surprised that no one has brought up Battlefield Earth yet. Do I even need to say why this movie is so terrible? The acting is hammy, there is literally not one angle in the entire movie that isn't somewhat ajar, the writing is terrible and not even sort of representative of the book, and in the box office, it barely made half of its budget back, and John Travolta's crazy ass is hell bent on making a sequel, as a way to enlighten the world with Scientology. It's just a fuck fest that breaks every rule in the book.

[haddockd]

Blair witch. I will never get that 1.5 hours of my life back